i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
