Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
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