I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
