Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize