Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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