is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
