Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
