I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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