Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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