she smelled like a LAN party
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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