Please, let me fuck your mom
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
