after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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