put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
