so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
