I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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