I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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