my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
