I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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