Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
