I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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