My hand turned me down
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
