I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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