I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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