oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Welp...herpes.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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