Joe is yelling at the trees again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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