I'm eating all of the evidence.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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