I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
