I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He kissed a someone with a penis
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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