where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
