she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize