I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
they're like a gay fantastic four
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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