found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
