Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it glows. i had to have it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
