so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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