I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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