btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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