You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
