she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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