Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
