my phone needs a breathalizer
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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