There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
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At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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