I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
