Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
