...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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