Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
