How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
