She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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