I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wish my penis had a tongue
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
