i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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