I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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