she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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