I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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