Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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