just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
