he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
