when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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