I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
