Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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