the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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